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Parenting intelligent kids can be a unique challenge. On the surface, it might seem like a blessing—a child who excels in school, who is curious about the world, and who learns quickly. But underneath this apparent ease lie a lot of problems that can make these children quite difficult. Intelligent kids often face challenges precisely because of their intelligence.

When children become aware of their intelligence, they may develop a sense of superiority, leading to poor behavior toward peers and teachers. They may struggle to empathize with others who learn at a different pace, and their behavior can come across as dismissive or condescending. This type of arrogance can also lead to social isolation, as peers may not want to engage with someone who acts as if they are “above” everyone else. Some kids can learn the wrong lesson from this, and decide to slack off just to fit in.

Then there's boredom. School is structured to cater to the average student, and for intelligent kids, this can mean lessons are too easy, leading them to check out mentally. Boredom, in turn, can lead to a lack of motivation and procrastination—a feeling that, because they can get away with doing things at the last minute, there’s no real need to engage deeply. Over time, this mindset can prevent them from learning the value of hard work, leaving them ill-prepared for situations that require sustained effort.I know I had a huge shock when I got to college and suddenly realized that I was completely unprepared for the level of work that was required. I had enough intelligence that high school was largely easy – I did my homework in study hall, and could ace tests without special preparation. But in college? I was screwed – I had to read tons of material, develop new study habits like actually taking notes in class and drilling key concepts, and really start learning.

The common advice is to praise hard work rather than intelligence—to encourage children to see effort as the path to success rather than innate ability. But kids are perceptive, and intelligent kids, in particular, can often tell they are ahead of their peers. They know when things come easier to them, and simply being told, “Work hard,” may not resonate when they feel their natural ability is enough. You are telling them one thing, but they are experiencing something different. If anything this could lead to them not trusting your judgment!

If we accept that intelligent children will realize their own capabilities, the question becomes: how do we guide them in a way that helps them develop resilience and empathy? One possible approach is exposing them to individuals who are even more capable, whether in person or through parasocial means like YouTube videos, books, or other media. By seeing people who excel beyond their current abilities, they can learn humility and gain perspective on how much they still have to learn.

Another approach is to provide them with more challenges—activities or projects that push them beyond what they’re used to. Parents, who are typically more intelligent than their children (at least until a certain age), can challenge their kids directly. However, this can create a tension when it comes to schooling. If a child is pushed far beyond their grade level at home, school may feel even less relevant, worsening the issue of boredom. This could lead to a situation where the child simply coasts through their school years, again missing out on the opportunity to develop crucial work habits.

Children, like adults, are driven by incentives. For many intelligent children, the structure of school does not provide the right incentives. If they can succeed without trying, where is the motivation to work hard? In some cases, the solution might be to remove them from traditional schooling entirely. Homeschooling is an option but it's so much work on parents, and especially as the child gets older, it will get harder and harder to keep ahead of your child's development.Private schools are not always a viable option—they are expensive, and finding one that aligns with a family's values and educational philosophy can be tough or even impossible.

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